As a youngster, I had a feeling about myself that I was unlike other people. I lived an imaginary life right inside my head. I did not have a friends circle. I did not participate in sporting activities. I failed as a student while at school, unlike other students. While at school, I was more of engrossed in daydreaming even during lecture hours.
My serious struggle with depression started when I was around 18.With conviction, I felt that some people were deliberately working against me and wanted to harm me. I still remember my experience at wall mart. As I was walking inside the mart for picking up stuffs, I felt that some people were tracking my movement .I feared that they were from the secret agency, which was looking for nailing someone as gangster to cover up their mismanagement of gang rivalries. In past, I always used to hear some voices .However, this time I found them more striking. “Escape from here! Escape from here! Escape from here!” I walked as quickly as possible towards the exit door while keeping eye on people around me. I prepared myself well for a scenario, where agents might come in helicopter or in other vehicles to seize me.
After reaching home safely, at night I wrote a journal regarding my experience at mall. One Paragraph in it reads like this, “Secret agencies are trying to nab me for charging a false case against me, to cover up the mess that they made in curtailing gangsters. They already made plans for catching me within a few days. If you find me missing and you get this message, please locate me from some secret cell of secret agency, in New York.”
I was not able to sleep over the next four days. I used to sit on a chair near the window during those nights .I kept staring at the street to find whether someone is coming. My parents did observe my weird actions. However, I chose not to comprehend them about my fears, as I did not trust them. More over I was not sure about their support.
After some days, as usual, I was sitting inside my room, and I felt that I heard some noise rising from downstairs. Out of anxiety, I rushed downstairs and I found shadow of a man sitting on couch, as there was power cut. He explained that he came there for protecting me. He warned that if I visit wall mart again the secret agents will arrest me and would charge me as a gangster. He also said that they have framed enough fake evidences as well as eyewitnesses to prove that I am a gangster involved in killing many people. Seizing a gangster can help them in reinstating their credibility.
Due to fear or anxiety, I tried to commit suicide. Fortunately, my parents stopped me at the right moment before I triggered my pistol. They consulted a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with schizophrenia. Since then, I am under medication and I have been attending regular counselling sessions .Though I am not fully recovered, I can tell you that I am in far better condition that what I was under 4 years back. This is my real life story schizophrenia.